Get some A N S W E R S

I love being part other people's creative process. I've always said that one of my favorite places to be is in the corps de ballet. There's an energy and camaraderie that come with being part of the group that you just don't get when you are alone.

Look left, look right and there are your friends, on their toes, arms raised gracefully over their heads, exactly like yours.

As commercial actors and models, we are an important part of a group much bigger than us. We're involved in the final stages of projects that take months and months to plan. We're in the corps de ballet. We're swirling around as our directors are backstage watching their creative vision come to life.

I am interested in ownership, too, though. I want to own my creative future, I want to own my ideas, my image, my brand. This is important to me so I have been thinking about my direction over the last few years. Struggling is probably a better word to use. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want out of life? And the big one...what makes me feel happy?

These aren't questions that I could answer overnight but I firmly feel that they are not rhetorical questions, either. They have answers and I was determined to figure out what they are for me and to hold onto those answers in order to create the life and the ownership of my future that I crave.

I've decided to write a book. I have a story to tell. I have a message to convey, at least I think I do (we'll see about that when the writing begins). I feel drawn to take on this project as a means to find answers and deepen my understanding of me. Yes, as self-serving as that sounds, I am determined to understand myself. I believe that understanding ourselves leads to increased happiness. Leads us to recognize the feeling of happiness and eventually helps us feel it more often and more vibrantly. If we know what we like, if we are self-aware, then we can make better decisions in our lives. In the simplest sense, I am trying to figure out what appeals to me.

How can I consider myself an artist if I don't understand what stirs my emotions? What makes me happy? What, in my life, have I done to donate to my own happiness. Soley mine? Not the happiness or satisfaction of others, nope, I am talking about me and me alone.

It's time to dig deeper in this life. Dig to dredge it all up. Pull up the past, examine it, keep it or let it go but most importantly, understand it. Move forward with this deeper understanding and pull out, from my everyday, the things that make me feel happiness. Learn to recognize them, appreciate them and celebrate them. Even the simplest among them.

I am inviting you along on this book writing process because frankly, I am scared to death and I could use the company and the support and maybe some cat-like reflexes, if things go really wrong.

This may mean some changes to my blog and social media, content may take a different, hopefully weird and interesting turn. What's the worst that can happen? I get to know myself a little bit?? It's about time.